Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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