You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
