Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
