I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
