Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
