kristin has been a bad kristin
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Randomize
