NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
