i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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