but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
