Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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