I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
