so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
