drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
