Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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