Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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