My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
