he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
