Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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