Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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