I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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