Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
4 words: hood of his car
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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