just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
