why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
