2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
