Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
