Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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