SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
