do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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