I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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