I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
