I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
