just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
