he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
