I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
