My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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