Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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