I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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