oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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