how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
