I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
