I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
