one might say we're banned from that church
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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