Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
