i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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