ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
