I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
