Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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