last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
