I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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