Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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