Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
