so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
