I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize