Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
